A Conversation about My Insecurity

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to The Invisible Vision Project’s Blog.

Today’s blog, judging by its title, I think you may already know what I’ll be talking about. And yes, this is one of those very personal, and very sensitive topic to talk about. Even so, I want to talk about it, and share that vulnerable part of me with all of you, because I know with the right people, you will be helpful instead of being judgemental. And, another reason as to why I want to share this now, is because that I am experiencing a phase of insecurity and vulnerability, so, it’s a perfect time to talk about it now.

As mentioned, this blog is about my Insecurity. And that being said, I will explain what I mean by this. I have two biggest and also strongest insecurities, and they’re anxieties that make me feel extremely vulnerable and insecure. My biggest insecurities are: Abandonment, and Change. Both, are also kind of very related with each other.

Let’s talk about Change. Change can be uncomfortable, scary and sometimes sad. When we are so used to be in one place or with certain group of people, we feel comfortable, and we tend to not like change to occur to us. However, sometimes, change happens, at the most comfortable satisfying, and happiest moment in our lives, and that’s just part of life, we can’t control that (I acknowledge this very well now, but it really did take a very long for me to accept and understand this).

For a long time in the past, I don’t like change, or rather, I hated it. I couldn’t bear to see or experience change, whether this change happened to me, or it happened to people around me. And yet, I’m constantly forced into witnessing and experiencing change. Then, there was even a time when I resented change so much that I had acted very inappropriately, but over the years, I’ve tried so hard to correct that, and it has been successful.

In addition, my strong emotion and sensitivity over Change has to do with my other insecurity, and that is: Abandonment (or rather, sometimes it’s a kind of attachment). I feel that change often makes me feel like I’m being abandoned, and when I’m so used to something, I become so attached to it (even though I know this is not a right thing to do). I will provide an example and show you what I mean by this. Let’s say, if I have a friend at school that I know for 3 or 4 years, this friend is graduating soon, and her plan after graduation is to move away and live in a different city; which means, we won’t be seeing each other every day now, and this is a change (for both of us, but especially for me, because I felt that the one remaining which is me, is somehow being ‘abandoned’ and I know that this isn’t true). Now, I hope you see what I mean.

So, knowing my behaviour and attitude I have over Change, knowing that they’re not appropriate and maybe not so normal, I’ve tried my very best to correct this kind of behavior over the years. However, it is easier said than done, and it is in fact a very difficult task to do. I may have become a lot less resentful to Change and to my idea of Abandonment, but, I’m still very emotional and sensitive when changes do occur in my life, and even some times, in the life of other people around me. But, I’m willing to work with my emotion and sensitivity, and of course with the positive and supportive people in my life, I’m certain that even though it may take a bit of time, I will overcome this insecurity, eventually!

So, this concludes today’s blog. I hope now you’ve learned a little bit more (and a different aspect) about me; and, maybe you could give me some suggestions on what I could or should do to help reduce my insecurity over Change and Abandonment, that’d be really helpful!

Thank you for reading to the end!

By: The Invisible Vision Project

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