Welcome to The Invisible Vision Project’s Blog.
I hope you’re all doing well.
It’s almost March and spring is slowly approaching, which is always nice. Currently, I have absolutely zero complain about the weather, and I hope this statement stays until spring and summer actually comes!
In today’s blog, I want to open a conversation with you all by talking about one of the hardest things in life. So here is that question I’m putting it out there: What is the one of the hardest things in your life?
For me, I had often thought about the hardest things in life being my unpredictable health and my disability. It’s hard because let’s face it, I deal with health struggles and I have a disability; those are a constant struggle, and I cannot avoid or take a break from. So, life is a little different and can be a little difficult for me at times. However, I think, I’m very much aware and beginning to change my perception to that question I just raised at the start of this blog. I think, one of the hardest things in life (for me) actually isn’t really about me- it’s about the people I love and care about. So, one of the hardest things in life for me is seeing the suffering and pain of the ones I deeply love and care about.
People have known me for a long time would describe me as someone who cares deeply about other people, or being compassionate, I’ll admit that they are right. And, I may be even over caring sometimes, that’s because, some very difficult and painful situation and life experiences have shaped me becoming this way.
The time when I started realizing, one of the hardest things in my life, that actually doesn’t start with me, was the time when I realized, I have been dealing with something psychologists would call it “complicated grief.” Yes, I am a very complicated griever. I think, the reason for this, has to go back to the time when I had lost a very significant person in my life, that’s about seven and half years ago. This person was (for me to describe), more than a best friend, a sister, a second half and even, a soul mate. This loss had happened so sudden and at the time, I was just about to start my freshman year in university. The loss had left an invisible but inerasable scar on me, since that day, until this day, and probably, for the rest of my life.
Then, exactly two years ago today, this scar was once again deepened. I had lost another important person in my life- who was the very first friend I made in university. In case you didn’t know, I came to a university that was far away from home, and far away from friends I had in high school. Living in a new environment and making new friends was never easy for me, and yet, I was so lucky to have made a friend with, the very first person I met, in the very first class I had in university.
From the loss of two significant people I had in life, I began to ask a lot of questions, questions about life and death, about love and loss, and about pain and suffering. I really have a difficult time finding the meaning of life after the loss. I have many times lost the meaning of my own life, and I have countlessly and subconsciously tell people that I’d rather live for other people, than live for myself. And, I think, I’ve even done that-I’ve tried to achieve other people’s dreams and goals that they’d left behind; instead of working on my own dreams and goals.
And now, I’m extremely fearful. I’m fearful of those I love might potentially be leaving me again. Fearful for even the slightest pain and suffering that they might face. And, fearful of the hopeless and helpless feeling that I couldn’t be by their side. (…I wasn’t able to be with the people I had lost, I didn’t get to see them until the very end).
There is a phrase that says, “Time will heal all wounds.” I’d like to believe it, but I’m finding it so hard to do so. But, what I definitely think it’s believable is that I’m not alone, most people will grieve in front of loss, and we’d all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong answer with grief. What’s more important is to do the best we can, and that’s all we can do. For me, my hardest things in life is seeing my loved ones suffer and in pain. Since I couldn’t possibly have the power to take away their suffering; and sometimes, I couldn’t possibly even be with them physically. But, this is not to say that I can’t and won’t do anything at all. The least I could do is being a spiritual supporter, and staying in touch with them during difficult times, letting them know that how much they mean to me, and I would be so lost without them. And, even when the time of loss comes, I will allow myself to grieve, in the most healthiest way possible. And, that is the only way moving forward.
The scar of loss and grief probably won’t heal and disappear, even with the passing of time; and it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, a person’s experience of loss and grief could teach them important life lessons, at least this has been true for me. Without these experiences, I probably wouldn’t have looked at life so differently now. It is the realization that, the past, we cannot go back to; the future, we know nothing about. But, what’s important is the present, the right now. Live in the moment, and remember: always be grateful for what we have, not only about the material things, but more about the people we have in our lives.
This concludes today’s blog. Thank you for reading to the end!
By: The Invisible Vision Project